


Pistol Bus vs. Anal Prolapse

by babykicker



Category: pba - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Blood and Injury, Comedy, Crimes & Criminals, Drug Use, I swear, Running Away, Sharing a Bed, Stealing, Worldbuilding, friendship and magic and rainbows <3, homoplatonic crime, like a lot of mildly morally compromising decisions, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23829694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babykicker/pseuds/babykicker
Summary: And they were roommates!
Kudos: 4





	Pistol Bus vs. Anal Prolapse

If you’re going to run a mech fighting ring underneath your house, it’s only courteous to let your roommates know. 

If you’re going to cheat in said mech fighting ring, piss off one of the most powerful figures in the scene, wake up your roommates in a panic to flee for your life, and demand they board a hot-wired school bus at four in the morning, you deserve the silent treatment and stares of contempt during the ride. 

“It was kinda funny though,” Gio mutters before exhaling towards the crack of his window, missing entirely. 

Lynn scrunches her nose as the bitter smell of the smoke floats across the row to her seat. “We left Bry back there!” 

Gio turns to the Bry-lacking rows behind them. “Huh. I told Tryna to get her since she was last.” All heads twist towards Tryna who is sitting behind Gio, playing footsies with herself in an effort to scrape the dried mud off her shoes.

“Yeah,” she half nods

Lynn glares, “Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Gio told me to do that,” she’s got one shoe mostly clear now.

“And?”

She stops cleaning and looks up blankly, “And?” Tryna slowly gazes up at Gio and their faces crumple in laughter when their eyes meet. 

“What the fuck? What’d you do to-“ Lynn’s interrupted by Rachael slapping the steering wheel to grab their attention. 

“This,” she taps at the glass of the gas meter, “is empty. I’m surprised it took us this far. What do we do.”

Mist, Luna, and Lynn get up from their seats to the large windshield. “Just drive farther to that puddle up ahead and stop,” Mist points. 

The bus doors hiss open and the three exit towards the shallow puddle set on mud at the side of the road. Mist crouches down and applies their palm to drier mud beside the puddle, causing fresh grass to sprout, then instantly reach full size. The others clap and cheer as they watch from inside the bus. Mist smiles at the muffled praise as they pull a handful of the grass and toss it into the puddle. Lynn and Luna then stick their right pointer fingers into the grassy puddle and it changes in color and viscosity as it boils. 

“It’s like dalgona coffee but demonic,” Jun remarks, hands and face pressed up against the glass. 

The bubbles slow as the liquid reaches a urine color. They take their fingers out and Mist bottles the conjured gasoline. 

“RuPaul’s gonna be pissed when she hears about this,” Luna grins. 

Lexi now sits at the wheel. Luna has huge fucking ears. Luna’s ears are so huge the rest are pretty sure they’re disrupting the satellites that allow them to be tracked. i dont know how shit works. They pass by a road sign that directs drivers to a road stop. It offers a McDonalds, a Chevron, and a Motel 6. 

Lexi points at the lit up logo “Let’s stop here!” 

Luna turns her head and her ears nearly knocks Lari out, “Yeah my legs hurt. Also I think we’ll be safe. My ears are so fucking big. They will cover us all walking out of the bus.”

Lexi parks the bus horizontally across 6 parking spaces and only narrowly misses a pole, “Perfect.”

The each make their way out of the bus with the limited belongings they have and file into the motel lobby. As they approach the front desk they look at each other in silent debate over who will speak to the employee because they’re gay.

Luna rolls her eyes and mouths, “pussies.” She steps up to the desk. “Can we get 3 rooms for the night?”

The receptionist doesn’t speak as he patronizingly turns back at the wall behind him where a cork board holds a single room key, “We have one room left... and because it’s busy it’s gonna be $250 for the night.” 

The twelve of them stare at each other in silence before Tryna speaks up, “It’s fine I got it. It’s fine.” As she passes the card, the ceiling light highlights the name of the owner in capital letters, “BRYONY MATTHEMAN” and they all stare on in horror. 

“Can I see some ID?” He says robotically.

Tryna gulps as she rummages through her Hello Kitty wallet. From behind her, the rest of the group can see her fingers sift through a Bryony Matthewman Michaels Gift Card, Bryony Matthewman Beyond Juice punch card (half punched), and a Bryony Matthewman Costco membership card. They say nothing. She pulls out her ID, which he onces over before shaking his head and muttering, “whatever,” and hands her the key. 

The dozen of them make their way to their room. There’s mini liquor bottles and broken glass all over the parking lot. 

“I feel like we’re gonna get shanked here,” Emily comments. 

“Oh niiice,” Luna remarks. Someone has written a “9” in sharpie beside the bolted hotel room number “6” She is then deadlegged by Gio.

A chorus of “Luna hurry up!” “Hurry the fuck up!” “Unlock it!” causes her to wince because her ears are so large. 

“I got it, it’s unlocking,” she turns the knob, “it’s openin-“

The world stops as the door swings open.

A profound silence falls upon the entire group at the inside of the room.

There’s only one bed.

“There’s only one bed…” Lari acknowledges. 

Rachael steps in first, “I’m getting the bed,” she states with finality as she sits against the pillows, arms crossed behind her head on the headboard. 

“Okay, no. Get off. What if it has lice?” Lynn grimaces. Half of them side eye Luna. 

“Oh yeah. Have you seen those videos where they take blacklights to hotel rooms and there’s like, cum stains?” Tryna adds. Rachael immediately gets off the bed. 

“We can lay some of the towels down on it,” Lexi offers.

Lynn turns around towards the door, “Fuck this I’ll sleep on the bus. Goodnight.” She gets one foot out the door before Gio yanks her by her weave back in and Lari locks the door. 

“We’re on the run. If you go outside without Luna’s ears covering you, you’re gonna give us away.” Nea warns.

Lynn huffs in defeat, “Fine. But someone better check the bed for lice or drugs or something.” 

“Oh my god. I’ll do it,” Gio walks up to the mattress and lifts it up towards the group. “Oh my god,” he gasps as he drops it back down. 

“What is it?” Jun shoots. Gio moves back to grab the mattress again.

“Don’t touch it!” Emily shouts. Gio’s holding the mattress up again as he looks back up at the group, “It’s a gun.” The rest quickly step up to the lifted mattress where they verify that there is, in fact, a revolver. 

Mist takes a step back from the weapon, “Oh my god, put it away, throw it away.” 

“No. We can’t touch it. Someone left it here, so it was obviously used for something if someone wanted to get rid of it,” Rachael explains. 

“What if we just wrap it in a towel and just get it out from there, I don’t wanna sleep on that,” Lari pleads.

“Fine, I’ll get one,” Lynn snaps, “you’re all so dramatic. I just want to sleep,” she turns and makes her way towards the bathroom. They all jump when they hear Lynn shriek. She rushes out of the bathroom, blood drained from her face in shock, “There’s a body!” 

“What?” Tryna walks to the bathroom. The group jumps again when she shrieks. “Oh my god there is!”

The rest look towards each other to see who else would willingly take a look. Nea shakes her head, “I’m not going in there.”

“What do we do with it!” Tryna calls out.

“I kinda wanna see,” Gio steps into the bathroom. Another shriek. 

Their conversation is muffled from behind the bathroom door. 

“That’s a lot of blood,” Gio observes.

“Yeah they got shot in the head Gio,” Tryna replies.

“So with the…”

“Yeah Gio. Probably.”

“...”

“Should we check for a wallet?”

“What the fuck, no?”

“...”

“...”

“Well… we do need to identify them… probably. So I guess...”

“Yeah that’s what I’m saying.”

“Just get it.”

When they step out, they’re greeted with looks of horror and disgust. Gio pulls out a couple of bills from a bloodied wallet. “Anyone want something from the vending machine?” he offers. He gets no response. “Oh yeah, there was no ID. Is that a no?” 

Gio and Lynn sit on the curb in front of the room with cans of Diet Coke beside them. Lynn flicks ashes of her cigarette into her can. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that, kid.” Lynn takes a drag.

Gio retrieves a small device from his pocket, “No, I’m good. It was kinda funny. I’m more upset I missed saying ‘A body has been discovered!’ That would’ve been so funny.” He takes a hit from his pen. 

“Whatever you say,” she replies. “We need to do something about that body, let’g go back inside.” 

The group is scattered around the room, all in shock and pensive. 

“This is gonna sound bad, but I really just want to sleep tonight. I don’t even know how long it’s been since we left the house at this point. Let’s worry about that,” Rachael points to the bathroom, “in the morning.”

Lari shakes her head, “I can’t sleep with a dead body in the same room.”

“Or what if,” Mist looks towards Lynn and Luna, “we bring it back?”  
“Like a zombie?” Luna grimaces. 

Mist nods, “Yeah. Resurrection, I think we can.”

Lynn considers it for a moment, “I guess. But it’s too much work, we can do that tomorrow.” 

Jun glances at the bathroom door, “It’s still creepy to sleep with it in here tonight.” 

“We can take it to the bus for the night?” Lexi offers.

They all pause to think about it. “Okay but I think we should wrap it up with something so it’s less… suspicious,” Emily decides.

Rachael snickers, “There’s literally no way to make it not look suspicious. But it’s dark out, we should be fine.”

Tryna walks to the bathroom, “I’ll get towels, someone help me wrap it.” 

Beth cringes, “I don’t wanna touch it. Even if it’s covered.”

Tryna calls out from the bathroom, where thudding sounds can be heard, “If you don’t help, you can't sleep on the bed.” 

From the room door, Beth, Nea, and Lexi watch the rest shuffle as they carry the towel-draped body across the parking lot towards the bus. 

“We don’t need this much help, Lari and Jun go open the bus door,” Luna orders.

They make it to the open door. They lift the body into the bus as they walk up the steps inside. In a single file, they haul the body to the last, longest seat on the bus. They all sigh in relief as they exit the bus.

Jun, Tryna, and Lari spoon on the bed in a fetal position. Luna tries her best to allow herself a centimeter of distance between the three while still saving enough room for Mist beside her. Lynn shifts uncomfortably at the foot of the bed next to Lexi. She feels like a sardine.

She gets up from her space, “Nope, I can’t sleep like this, let’s switch,” she motions to Beth. They change places so Lynn now occupies one of the two cushion chairs at the corner of the room and Beth is across the foot of the mattress. Nea occupies the second chair in the next corner, where she has already fallen asleep. Rachael and Emily are sleeping on the floor against both sides on the AC unit. Against protests, Gio is occupying the crime scene bathtub.

Lynn pulls the lamp switch right beside her chair, the dark swallowing up the day? days? She tries not to think about it as she drifts to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos or u mean nothing to me. i shouldve done homeowkr instead. pls be nice i rlly tried okay. Thank u Wuna for "beta"-ing as the kids say.


End file.
